If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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