i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
