That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
