people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
