apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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