We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
