Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
