living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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