i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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