do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
