So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
