You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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