you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
