the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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