can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
