What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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