we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Let's get the cat blown out
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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