You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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