I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
