You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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