I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude i'm inner monologue high
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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