he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
