Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
