Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so explain again why im purple
no
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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