One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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