they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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