You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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