dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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