So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
