david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
