Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
