who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
