You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
