shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
