mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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