i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My bed smells like the plague
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
