3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
