had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
