If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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