I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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