why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
