Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
