well you can't waste a boner
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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