Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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