There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
