I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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