I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
