My pussy is not your playground.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
