my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
