Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
