so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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