Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
