the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
