your parents love me but you hate me
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
