Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
