Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
