I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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